Dazed & Confused

Well its been a long time since i made a post. Almost 1 month. And i have my reasons. First the stupid end semester exams(they really suck your blood out) and then i went to a trip with my friends to Kasauli, which is probably the most boring town in all of north India. So here i am, back with myself!

I enrolled for a test series for CAT at another institute today. I don't know why I'm doing this. All i really wanted was a break after the exams and that 'break' seems so far away. Everybody is constantly running in this huge rat race( and a lot of them trying to trip others rather than run faster themselves).

I thought a lot about my thoughts earlier. Comments of people helped me shape an opinion. I now think that I think too much. I mean to think of it, there isn't much to think. I know I'm not going anywhere. Well the effect of thinking too much - Tension. So now i'm thinking.......ZAP! I'm not thinking. Not anymore. Yes I am confused. But what the hell?

We had this huge party recently...at a friends place. We made a sort of 'Long Island Iced Tea' cocktail in a bucket!!! It is the best drink i've ever tasted. A lot of crazy stuff happened that night.

Now 4th year awaits..... Mixed emotions. Tension/anxiety/glad/happy/sad. I just hope this turns out to be a better cocktail than the one i had....But then again....still dazed & confused!

I got a place where all my dreams are dead........

Well your exams start in 10 days and what do you do all the time?? You listen to music, read random stuff on the net and watch 10 episodes of a hit sitcom in a row!! Well thats me. Its almost 4 am. Yet i can't sleep............

All day long i keep hearing about 'you know that guy...he's an i-banker' or like 'X is doing pretty well these days, drawing a package of so & so'. And it makes me think.... What do we really want from life....????

I know people say happiness and all....But is it?? If it is, then how come we spend so less time(if any) towards it? I mean everyday you hear people trying to break into the world of finance, get top jobs like investment banking and consulting. But do they really want to do that??

I know loads of people claiming that they've got interest in finance. Bulls**t. Not even one of them has any interest in it. All they're interested in is money. Money is good...but is it worth sabotaging your innermost dreams and desires for it?

I know I'm asking a lot of stupid questions...But i can't seem to find an answer. People reading this might say that 'No we have genuine interest blah blah blah', but i believe those people don't really know themselves as they don't really delve into their innermost desires.......I don't think those people can judge my blog.

Do you really know yourself? Or do you think that you know yourself?? There's a world of difference. All my life I thought i knew myself... Now when I'm at crossroads, I'm perplexed. I think 'do i wanna get into an IT job?' or 'do i wanna do an MBA'? or 'do i wanna do anything'??
Nothing seems to make sense. I can't seem to find the path....the path where i just work and work and work...and yet i feel i didn't work at all. I want to find that passion......Something i'm passionate about.... And work on it.....Cause then it doesn't seem like work...it seems like fun.....The burning flame.....

I don't know what i want to do.... Cause its not just dollars and cents for me. What i really want...what i really care about....is a golden word.....'SATISFACTION'......Whether i get that sweating on a shopfloor...or whether i get that sitting in a cubicle....Beats me!!!!

I had a talk with my friend the other day and he said all this crap gets you nowhere....But do i wanna go anywhere??? Or i just want to lay back...relax and gaze at the stars....

Anyway, I'm totally confused. And guess what i concluded? Deep down inside....We all want to follow our passions.... Just need some nuts.....And of course... A PASSION!!! The burning flame.......

Till then i guess.....'I got a place where all my dreams are dead'